Warning: This post consists of lot of feminist rant
I am a feminist – There you go, I said it! I am a feminist but I don’t hate men, I, in fact love them more than women 😉 My definition of feminism is that women are not any less than men, they are equal to men. Yes, women and men are EQUAL.
While growing up I had taken it for granted – the fact that the men and women are equal, because that’s how my dad raised me. My dad taught me that men and women are equal, all regions are equal, all castes are equal, and never discriminate a person based on their looks (My dad’s lessons- this can be a story for another time). So I didn’t know any different, I just thought everyone was equal.
My first experience with male chauvinism was when I started my university. I studied in a relatively smaller city (bear in mind, it was a city not town). A friend of mine, who was a boy, with all good intentions told me that I shouldn’t laugh loudly because ‘good’ girls don’t laugh aloud. In the same uni, I was told by other people and professors that I shouldn’t talk to any boys around me as ‘good’ girls talk to only other girls. I didn’t care for this bullshit but I had to face the consequences. Mostly all the professors treated me as if I was doing something wrong – I wasn’t a shy girl, spoke my mind, laughed out loud and spoke to the boys and actually made some good friends. All through out those years, all I wanted was to move out of that place, to a bigger city and breathe. Eventually I moved out to Bangalore and life was good again!
This experience taught me something, to find a man in my life who understands what feminism means and what it is to treat a woman like his equal instead of telling her to be a certain way, which makes her a ‘good’ girl.
10 years down the line I can say that I am lucky to have found a man who laughs with me when I laugh out loud and never in a million years would tell me that laughing like a hyena would make me a bad girl, who will never tell me what to wear, who will never tell me to cook and wash because it’s my job as a woman and who would never tell me that I have to do everything for Viaan as I am the mother. Yes, he tells me off for throwing my socks and shoes in different directions and leaving the wet towels on the bed (I am the messy one and this is also another story for another time)
Both Dinesh and I work full time in highly busy and sometimes stressful work environments and we both share all the house work equally along with Viaan’s responsibilities. In our opinion, it’s only fair for us to share our work this way as we both get tired after a long day at work. I never enjoyed cooking so Dinesh cooks for us, where as I do the cleaning and washing up after wards. Similarly, Dinesh gets Viaan ready in the morning and drops him at the Childminder. I pick him up in the evening, give him dinner and get him ready for the bed. If either of us has to go out, the other one looks after Viaan.
Now coming to the point on why I am writing this post – recently some women have pointed out to me how lucky I am to have a husband who cooks and how amazing he is to be babysitting Viaan. First of all, Dinesh is the father, so he is not babysitting, he is spending time with his own son, which is normal and is expected of a father. Also if my husband cooks, it means that I am doing other things instead. I feel that women should stop glorifying these things that are expected of a normal father/husband and should speak to their husbands about contributing something in their day to day lives.
In the similar lines, I had another experience where I told a colleague from India that I am going out with some girl friends on a Friday night and his reaction was – OMG! You have a baby and how can you go out leaving your baby at home with your husband. He said it more than 2 times and he was also shocked by the fact that I hadn’t cooked food for my lovely hubby who was at home. This guy was even more shocked that I was again going out again on Saturday.
Now I will ask everyone who judges the mothers – Can’t mums party? Will you ask the same questions if the father told you that he was going out for couple of beers with his friends? Think about it! This has to stop.
Disclaimer: I have written this post based on my experiences, I am not judging everyone.
Bag: Bulgari Serpenti Bag in Bronze